So after a truly crappy Bikram practice and, to top it off, a 45 minute walk home in the pouring rain (got to love British autumn), I sat down on the sofa with my lunch and turned the TV on. Groundhog Day was on. Now it's not one of my all time favorite movies, it's no Titanic let's face it, but it's alright and I was feeling pretty spaced out so I wasn't in the mood for anything particularly heavy. Anyway, about 5 minutes after I switched it on, we got to the bit where Phil is in the bar feeling sorry for himself. He turns to his friend and says " What would you do if you were stuck in one place and every day was exactly the same, and nothing that you did mattered?" And his friend replies 'That about sums it up for me.'
Well, ladies and gentleman, that just about sums it up for me too.
I'm only 6 classes in, how can I be feeling this exhausted and frustrated already? Ever since I started this challenge - which was only 5 days ago, although it feels like 500 - my sleep has been weird; kind of disjointed and very, very light. I'm normally the type of person who needs at least 5 espresso shots and 10 alarm clocks just to crawl out of bed. And even then if it's still dark out then, 'you can't be serious, I think I'll stay in bed for another few hours please'. But for the past couple of nights I keep waking up in the middle of the night to then toss and turn, twisting my sweaty, achy body around my bedsheets. My body also feels like it's a radiator. I am literally a walking, talking, Bikram studio. It is seriously annoying. Thank god I don't have a boyfriend right now or I think this might be the turning point in our relationship. Love me: love my sweaty, frustrated body which can't lie still in bed for longer than 10 seconds. I thought Bikram was meant to teach you stillness?! The rate I'm going at I'll be a fully fledged zombie by Novemeber. And no, not the hot Twilight kind either. I kept thinking in class today, which I basically did nothing in except half heatedly stumble around my mat, that if everyday is going to be like this for the next month, then how will I get through the next few days, let alone the next month? I know this is meant to be a challenge but right now all I'm feeling is blllllaaaaaaaa - eloquent, I know.
Even now, a good 6 hours after class, all i can hear in my head is the voice of my teacher today telling me to, "Focus. Focus. It's a journey, not a destination." Arggghhhh. Sod this journey, all i want to do is reach the bloody destination!
So am i going to continue on like this for another 25 days, 8 hours and 45 minutes (yes I really am counting down the minutes)? I certainly hope not! I would really appreciate any tips as, right now, the though of getting up at 6 am to go to the 7 o'clock sunrise class tomorrow fills me with dread. And fear. And anger. And depression. Oh and a little bit of sadness. Yep, I think you get the drift.
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Huh. I'm stumped. I haven't experienced the sleep issues (and sweating during sleep- you poor thing!!) during a challenge that are currently tormenting you. SO, I have no wonderful tidbits of advice to give. Just hang in there, I promise it will all be worth it in the end. Every challenge has been different for me during the challenge, but the common thread is they are always worth it and I never regret them.
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