30 DAYS FINISHED!!!!!!

So I will be the first person to admit that I have been totally rubbish when it comes to writing on this blog. That said, I have been pretty damn committed when it comes to hauling my ass out of bed each morning and onto my yoga matt. Yes ladies and gents, I can finally say I have completed a 30 day challenge. And it rocked. Admittedly there were days (actually if I'm honest most days...) where I wanted to quit, but I didn't and I honestly can't say I have ever been prouder of myself.

So how do I feel now? Amazing, sensational, stupendous, awe-inspiring, spectacular, wondourous, euphoric, elated, exhilarated, rapturous, gleeful, delighted; yep pretty much a whole thesaurus full of incredible. And I have all of you to thank. Even though I know no one really reads this blog, I read a lot of your blogs, and I can honestly say that just knowing there are other people out there who have done this before me made the whole journey a whole lot less daunting.

I am just happy to say it's done. And to start a new chapter in my bikram life.

Thank you fellow bloggers, thank you Bikram and as cheesy at it sounds thank you me!

Namaste

Class 18

Ok, so I didn't quit. Somehow I managed to drag my sorry ass body out of bed last Monday and onto the yoga mat, and it was good. Infact all of last week was good. Until Sunday. Bloody Sunday. I don't know what it is about Sunday Bikram practice but it gives me a serious case of Sunday blues. This morning I woke up and I felt like quitting all over again, but yet again I forced myself out of bed and found myself at the 10am class. I'm glad I went, despite the fact that I am suffering from a real corker of a cold right now and I'm pretty sure I've lost my hearing in both ears. If it wasn't for olbas oil I'm pretty sure I would have suffocated in class today. Blocked nose + breathing through your nose for 90 minutes = pretty much a recipe for disaster. Hopefully a strong dose of night nurse tonight will leave me feeling better tomorrow as being ill sucks big style.

So I've had a rough couple of days. The classes seem to be getting harder and harder (could be because I insist on standing right next to the humidifier. Hmmm....), and I've lost the desire to push myself. I am fine in the standing series, which surprisingly I'm loving at the mo, but as soon as I get on the floor that is it for me. Literally. Stick a fork in me, I'm done.

I am also feeling like I am not getting anywhere in regards to finishing this damn challenge. Honestly, it feels like I've been doing this for years and I still have years to go. I know 20 classes doesn't seem that much to most seasoned yogi's, but to me it might as well be Mnt Everest. I also don't seem to be benefiting from this. Although I'm sleeping properly again I feel tired all the time. I also have a few break outs on my chin which is rare for me, even at that time of the month. I'm also gaining weight-wtf? I'm eating less (I'm normally a big carbs girl) and I'm exercising daily so surely I should be losing weight? Grrrr.....

Anyway whinge over. I need to stop dwelling as I'm sure that makes it worse, but I can't help it. I dream about bikram, then I wake up and go to Bikram and then I come home and worry about not finishing this challenge. My mind is one big Bikram roundabout. arghhhhh

Maybe I should just quit??

Mirror moment

When I was younger I had a teacher who always used to start class with a moment of silence. She liked called it our 'mirror moment', and back then, when I was an obnoxious, know-it-all 14 year old, I found it amusing and quite frankly ridiculous. My life, at the time, was so simple, so easy; I had no need for stillness in my life, no need for inner reflection.
Today, lying on my mat during final savasna, I was reminded of that and it made me smile. I often feel like I haven't changed from the 14 year old girl I was 7 years ago. I still make the same silly mistakes (usually involving boys or alcohol, sometimes both), I still look the same (give or take a few pounds) and I still crack the same terrible jokes. And yet here I am relishing the opportunity I have been given after 90 minutes of pushing my body to its limits, to just lie still for a couple of minutes and reflect on what has just passed and what is to come. It's nice to realise that even if I haven't changed much physically, I have grown up enough to appreciate the smaller things in life. The things that don't involve boys, make-up and who kissed who at x's party. I have moved onto a deeper path of understanding and I am finally able to appreciate my mind for what it is, which is mostly something that is incredibly strong and resilient. I have been through so much this past year, some situations of my own making, but mostly things that were out of my control. I began to feel slightly depressed, focusing solely on the crap which seemed to flood through my life with a monsoon like persistence. But finally I have moved on and now I have been given the chance to reflect on and heal the mental scars that were left, and for that I am eternally grateful.
Thank you Bikram
Namaste

Day 5-Happy Groundhog Day...

So after a truly crappy Bikram practice and, to top it off, a 45 minute walk home in the pouring rain (got to love British autumn), I sat down on the sofa with my lunch and turned the TV on. Groundhog Day was on. Now it's not one of my all time favorite movies, it's no Titanic let's face it, but it's alright and I was feeling pretty spaced out so I wasn't in the mood for anything particularly heavy. Anyway, about 5 minutes after I switched it on, we got to the bit where Phil is in the bar feeling sorry for himself. He turns to his friend and says " What would you do if you were stuck in one place and every day was exactly the same, and nothing that you did mattered?" And his friend replies 'That about sums it up for me.'

Well, ladies and gentleman, that just about sums it up for me too.

I'm only 6 classes in, how can I be feeling this exhausted and frustrated already? Ever since I started this challenge - which was only 5 days ago, although it feels like 500 - my sleep has been weird; kind of disjointed and very, very light. I'm normally the type of person who needs at least 5 espresso shots and 10 alarm clocks just to crawl out of bed. And even then if it's still dark out then, 'you can't be serious, I think I'll stay in bed for another few hours please'. But for the past couple of nights I keep waking up in the middle of the night to then toss and turn, twisting my sweaty, achy body around my bedsheets. My body also feels like it's a radiator. I am literally a walking, talking, Bikram studio. It is seriously annoying. Thank god I don't have a boyfriend right now or I think this might be the turning point in our relationship. Love me: love my sweaty, frustrated body which can't lie still in bed for longer than 10 seconds. I thought Bikram was meant to teach you stillness?! The rate I'm going at I'll be a fully fledged zombie by Novemeber. And no, not the hot Twilight kind either. I kept thinking in class today, which I basically did nothing in except half heatedly stumble around my mat, that if everyday is going to be like this for the next month, then how will I get through the next few days, let alone the next month? I know this is meant to be a challenge but right now all I'm feeling is blllllaaaaaaaa - eloquent, I know.

Even now, a good 6 hours after class, all i can hear in my head is the voice of my teacher today telling me to, "Focus. Focus. It's a journey, not a destination." Arggghhhh. Sod this journey, all i want to do is reach the bloody destination!

So am i going to continue on like this for another 25 days, 8 hours and 45 minutes (yes I really am counting down the minutes)? I certainly hope not! I would really appreciate any tips as, right now, the though of getting up at 6 am to go to the 7 o'clock sunrise class tomorrow fills me with dread. And fear. And anger. And depression. Oh and a little bit of sadness. Yep, I think you get the drift.

Day 3 + 4

Was far too tired to blog when i got home last night as i managed to do my first ever double (yipeee!). It was a spur of the moment thing, i hadn't actually planned on doing any doubles during this challenge cause i though it might be too much, but boy was it gooooood!
The first class was a bit weird (partly why i chose to do the next class) as there was literally nobody there. The studio where i go just re-arranged it's timetable so people obviously didn't know about the class. It ended up being me, the teacher and 3 other people! Not really bikram at all, more like a pose correction lesson, but it ended up being really helpful. She finally managed to help me lock my knee and leg (i was apparently bending it?! it's funny what you don't see when you think you finally have a pose semi ok) and just really improved my general posture during the standing series. Anyway, after all the useful tips she gave me i decided to just dive right into the next class, which was thankfully packed, and try and use all my new techniques. I was a bit worried i would be zonked and spend most of the time on the mat, but a coconut water sorted that out, and i actually felt really strong throughout all the poses, even half moon which i hate/am terrified of!

Now on to today, which wasn't so good. Firstly the room wasn't quite hot enough and i could feel a slight draft (or is it draught? apparently i can't spell today) during the floor series. It's funny as when i started practicing Bikram a couple of months ago all i wanted was a slight bit of air to come in the room. I used to live for the moment when the teacher opened the door for a few seconds half way through the class. Now i actually enjoy the heat as it really helps me open up my hips up and push a little deeper in the poses. Another reason class was not so good today, and I feel bad for saying this, was the teacher. I just didn't feel any energy off and her dialogue was really slooooooooow. This meant that i didn't push myself as hard as i should have and i hesitated between coming in and out of poses. I know at the end of the day it's my decision how hard i push into a pose but it's much easier when you have some one who really makes you want to push that extra millimeter, even when your whole body feels like it might snap in half!

Oh well, tomorrow is a new day (and a new star for my progress chart, yay!). Namaste.

Day 2...And she's back in the game!!

Today i had a really good class. The type of class where you think you could carry on for another couple of hours. I'm not sure if it was because I went in the morning so my energy levels were high, or because i went in there in telling myself it was going to be good, i don't know. The vibe in the room just felt so good today that we all really pushed ourselves to our limits. I know a lot of people say Bikram is a solo practice; you get yourself into the pose, you clear your mind, you stare ahead at your reflection and you block everything else out. But i think it's so important to be a room where everyone is strong and positive because it makes you more determined. As soon as i see someone sit out of a pose it makes me think 'oh well if they're having a little break, then I'm gonna too'. Not a good mind set to have, but then again i'm only a beginner so i need to break some of my bad habits!
Anyway it's late and i'm pooped so i'm off to bedfordshire. Good night.

1 down....29 to go.

Today was the first in a long line (30 to be precise) of Bikram classes. And it sucked. Big time. For starters i hadn't eaten nearly enough, just 2 pieces of toast and a bowl of soup, and considering i went to a 5 o clock class that is BAD! I also went in there doubting myself. Error and a half! Within minutes i knew it was going to be a bad session. Half moon nearly killed me and by awkward pose my whole body was on fire. It literally felt like i was burning from the inside out. But i refused to be overcome, it's just mind over matter right? So i stuck it out for about 30 minutes then I sat down. And it was good. So good that i pretty much stayed down there for the rest of the standing poses. That said, i threw myself into the floor poses with as much vigour as i could muster so i did redeem myself slightly.

So i'm now lying in bed pretty pissed with myself. I know everyone has up days and down days but surely your first few days should sail by? Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow. I'm going to go to an earlier class to see if that makes a difference to my mindset. Fingers crossed or it's going to be a very slow and painful month...!

A little thing i like to call crazy...

So as of tomorrow I am officially starting my first ever Bikram 30 day challenge (round of applause please). Tomorrow will also only be my fifth bikram class ever, so I'm pretty sure that puts me into the crazy category-yikes!

For those of you that don't know, although you're reading this blog so im sure you do know, Bikram is a 90 minutes class consisting of 26 yoga postures performed in a room heated to 105 degrees. Basically it is yoga performed in a giant puddle of sweat and i love, love, LOVE it. Or at least I hope I do, or the 90 pounds i just forked out for the privilege of going each and every day for the next month is going to be a big fat waste. hmmm....

So the challenge is to go every day for 30 days. No skipping, no cheating and no lazy, fat days. I've kind of been psyching myself up for the past month trying to decide if I really can make this commitment right now, cause it is a lot to ask, but I've decided to just bite the bullet and do it; what's the worst that can happen right? So as of tomorrow I officially have no social life, no love life, pretty much no life whatsoever just a whole lot of sweat and tears (hopefully in that order as i have a feeling crying in a lesson would probably be pretty embarrassing). That said i am majorly excited about this because i know this is exactly what i need right now. I've been neglecting myself lately and what i really need is some me time, and staring into a mirror for 90 minutes whilst sweating your butt off defiantly counts as me time. HA

So wish me luck.....!! More tomorrow after session numero uno...